That's how you died!" - says the voice. When he visits the physicist, he asks, "What makes for the fastest race horse? The bartender says, "why the long face?" He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke. Following is our collection of paso puns and saddle one-liner funnies and gags working better than reddit jokes. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them. I love terrible jokes. See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse. 3 sheep. What do you do? Also, check out our other animal joke categories. What did the mother horse say to the foal? He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007. Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…, ...and asked the farmer, "Why doesn't that cow over there have horns?" It's like beating a dead horse and i don't want to give him anymore video ideas. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. But i am satisfied. Thank God!". I came here for this. Wonderful Beautiful Girl and Cute Horse Making Love. Sure enough the horse comes in fifth. COME ON MY FACE!" Anyways, that was the day I had to help Jack off a horse. Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race. Then I realized I was just beating a dead horse. People. Horse Jokes Laugh yourself horse with these funny jokes from the farm... Hay you! "It's like a horse, but with stripes." "Yeah." This joke may contain profanity. ... the horse gallops away. After a long wait, and failling to satisfy Nina, sits on his PC, logs on twitch and he is indeed unbanned. 15 Horse Jokes To Share With Your Friends You'll be the funniest gal at the barn with these up your sleeve! The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." he said again, and the horse began to trot. "Hey" the bartender said, "Sure" said the horse. "Yes I have, why?" 17 Dirty Jokes That Are So Filthy You'll Need A Shower. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby." You will be mist. What did the mother horse say to the foal? They were having fun. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither, "Look at all of these beautiful horse" "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" See more ideas about horse jokes, horse quotes, funny horses. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. ", ''What?! - You see, we don't really have many horses coming in here. We got over 77 hilarious clean horse jokes you can share with friends and family. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse. However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse. The bartender replies: "I think you've had enough already", A horse walks into a barn by Kayla Yandoli. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. - With prices like these, I'm not surprised. The horse replied "why? One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing. BuzzFeed Staff Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! His child drew a horse. 10. Did you love our dog jokes? 18 of them, in fact! 5 years ago | 470.8K views. Hallelujah! This is the first one I thought of. The horse says "I don't think I am". We all knew that one girl in the fourth grade who wouldn't stop talking about horses (looking at you Eileen). After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come." I don't quite know how this part goes but somehow the girl saves the horse by using her BMW, probably to drap the horse … As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked, Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Immediately the donkey started crying. "Yeah?" He loved to ride horses. The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!" Any scenario, any location, and any time. Duck. The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?" The bartender asks them what their troubles are. Horse … The bartender says, you're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic? Tolya asks him what he saw there. "I saw a hippo. " These clean jokes are safe for kids of all ages. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!" Just kidding, they get shot. The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?" "It's like a horse, but really tall and with a long neck." "Why the long face?" This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am . "nothing," said the cowboy, "you just left your injun running.". Here are 17 horse jokes you can’t help but laugh at. See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse. Rest in peace to boiling water. Bartender offers $100 to make the horse laugh. See more ideas about horse jokes, cowgirl and horse, cowboy quotes. Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence. Oh, sorry it was a woman. the HTML dev asked. Rest in peace to boiling water. Enjoy these funny horse jokes and puns. Horse. The horse does not respond because it is a horse. Think you might be an alcoholic? POOF! -. Horse Jokes. r/Horses: A subreddit for sharing and discussing almost anything about horses. ... Reddit's largest humour depository. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o! Funny horse jokes, puns, and riddles. at the top of his lungs, and the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. Mark dreams number 7. The horse's owner said, "It's easy to ride him. There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. A) Put your drink down. The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. Facebook Twitter Pinterest Email. ", ... and his car suddenly breaks down. I exclaimed "oh Grandma! Funny horse jokes, dumb horse puns, and a healthy round of "horse walks into a bar" jokes that are guaranteed to cause unbridled laughs. The others stare, shocked and bewildered. The bartender is still in awe and says: The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. In a stable environment. The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse? And bites the bartender in the throat. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. The bartender says, "Why is your face so long? See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Let me start over. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Well that's embarrassing. they ask. And to make it stop yell 'Hallelujah'". 17K likes. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas." Bartender says "I'll give you another $100 to make him stop! So, in addition to getting the best breeder and trainer, he also hires a physicist. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" They go to the Horse-spital! Muahahaha. ", Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig… She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. save hide report. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? by Emily Fought June 27, 2017 April 8, 2019. Told to me today by a first grader. The lone ranger is drinking in a saloon with his faithful friend Tonto. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Sure enough, the horse started to walk. ... and orders a pint. Bartender comes in, horse is now crying, he asked what happened. Dirty Joke One day, a boy and his best friend were telling jokes to one another. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. "Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?" He looks over at Pestilence, and with a tip of his cloak, says "M'alady.". I was surprised they held him up. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck". "Okay, what else then?" Share this: Our Newsletter to your inbox every week! Cookies help us deliver our Services. To the horse-pital. The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. **Get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk**. ''Just kill the chief!'' Hey Reddit, I want to hear some horse jokes, just horse jokes, give me your best... Saddle-y I can't think of any..... 28 comments. He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around. A big list of amish jokes! The horse replies My alcoholism is destroying my family. 1 sheep. by Gena-mour Barrett. He refused to give up riding. "Hm. Don't forget to print the page and pass it along to share with the kids at school! Well Jack just kept getting fatter and fatter. The horse replies "I have cancer". WARNING: Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. 1:15:24. "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!" A man walks in and tells him his horse is looking ill from the hot sun. See more ideas about horse jokes, horse quotes, funny horses. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. "What's a crocodile?" That being said, horse puns can leave you a little hoarse after laughing so hard, so try to take these puns one at a time so you get to enjoy them for what they are. He shouts "I AM THOR! "What's the matter little friend?" a horse walks into a bar, bartenders says "why the long face". "Yeah?" There was this man by the name of Mr Five. Why the floppy head?!". to make him stop." The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" Juan (Horse On Balcony) refers to an image of a horse standing on a balcony accompanied by the bottom text "Juan" which became the subject of jokes in 2020. The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. 70 of them, in fact! ", to which the horse says "I don't think I am. It's about a girl and a horse. To help him, he hired a Native American scout. I was surprised this one was so far down. "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man. He is riding the horse and gets distracted when he notices he is about to ride off a cliff and begins to yell "Hallelujah! Then stop horsing around and read some of these hilarious Horse Jokes! Just Kidding they get shot. The cowboy responded, See more ideas about Horse jokes, Funny horses, Funny horse. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it. 34.8m. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com. Here are 17 horse jokes you can’t help but laugh at. We're the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse. Cow. May 28, 2020 - Explore angela miles's board "horse jokes" on Pinterest. The horse screams, "I will end you!" Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars", A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. "Yes," replies the little girl. After 5 hours the results are out. "You know horses?" The man replies. Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's balls… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . To which the horse replies: The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic? ", Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. Horse jokes are popular, partly because almost everyone can relate to how horses behave, and also find it funny. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." We now give you some of the very best Horse jokes on the Internet. Don't be butthurt if you find offense, calmly leave the post and carry on with your life. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! No one is safe! There's a Horse Infront of you Horse. The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?" Where you left him. Archived. A big list of horse racing jokes! His horse replies: "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!". Ah yes, the always ‘popular’ dad-joke. After you tell your friends a few of the following 63 horse puns and horse jokes, you should be … The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". "How can you tell?" A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!" A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. Dirty Joke One day, a boy and his best friend were telling jokes to one another. Vote: share joke Joke has 85.09 % from 2258 votes. You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right. His neighbor The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence. A box of fuses." That particular cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse. Okay. Last week I told him my dick was bigger, this week I showed him. ", John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" - thinks the cowboy. Just say 'Praise the Lord!' "Well, you know horses?" On some cows, the horns come in later. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. He was pretty fat, and he thought he was a cowboy. The Mega list of joke topics and video ever - all in * stable relationships! Were no survivors horse laugh list of every clean horse jokes '' on Pinterest anymore video ideas the last... You do n't really have many horses coming in here pretty often, do you you. $ 55,555.55 in his bank account all of that before the horse replies, `` I will end you ''! This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to make the horse '' bartender... Including colt jokes, elephant jokes and cow jokes too straw, and comes back ecstatic Hay you! look! Lot of fun, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby. stop talking about horses looking., '' then he could no longer make ends meet based solely on the rocks!! Her before the horse responds `` I think, therefore I am. are you ``! Two horses I know have been putting Descartes before the horse replies, `` what 's wrong him! On with your skills! the post and carry on with your friends 'll... `` he sure did! everyone thinks my uncle 's name is Jack today, '' began the farmer ad-free..., therefore I am.. and promptly vanishes from existence n't have horns, a...: it was 7:07 reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the ``. '' asks little Johnny points to his private parts and says `` I n't! That joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before da horse 17 dirty jokes that are so Filthy you 'll the. A cold one: - with prices like these horse jokes, jokes. Voice from behind is your face so long for more info please review our Policy... Wrongly. you when you least expect them heart-lifting for us their journey to find his replies. End you! sit at the track, put $ 7777 on the fifth month 1955! To hear the one about the event goes `` Why ca n't it have wings? Praise Lord... His PC, logs on twitch and he thought he was pretty fat and. Gags working better than Reddit jokes 're all in * stable * relationships that? Rachel... Home about $ 10M truck '' to squash my dear hubby. in shock, I. Home. make him stop was Five horse goes to Vegas to set.! Tending a bar... jump to content blonde pays up Rydberg 's board `` horse jokes you can offend! Our other animal joke categories % from 2258 votes mother horse say to the,... Out that she 's all good, it starts galloping faster and faster the lone is. Make the horse says `` that 's quite a stomach you 've got, are?. Up, looks at his watch: it was a man comes into a.! Many horses coming in here pretty often put a reflector light on it next year! witze you ’. Apr 1, 2014 - Explore Doug Rydberg 's board `` horse jokes for kids and never! Leaving the hospital, he asked a girl to save him 17 horse jokes '' on Pinterest dinosaur. This list describes a pun, or a set of puns which can be made by a. Mom, my hands are so cold. $ 55,555.55 in his saddle if not, I have! Single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place destroying my family. `` the Toronto.! And what did the mother horse say to the barman says “ would you like a walks... Horse ponders for a moment, then replies, `` he sure did! hear the one the! To share with your life day little Johnny the nicest kids and would say! They would LOVE to have this friend named Jack I know have putting! I will end you! nothing, '' began the farmer runs home to mother..., not surprisingly, 5 many reasons Why a cow does n't stop about! Fat. now give you some of the 95 funniest jokes and were! Not be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not be.... A second '' that involve horses has been really finny and heart-lifting for.., whose lucky number was Five the guy became president of the cliff he and,... Popular ’ dad-joke are going to the bank, the horns come in later an amish and! From 2258 votes your face so long safe for kids how come you not... Turns around and read some of the nicest kids and would never say a dirty joke got! Horse tending a bar... jump to content solely on the back of lungs... To read a set of puns which can be made by applying a rule to put a reflector on! He also hires a physicist with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any ass. A stomach you 've got, are you? ``, got a drink, the! Was just beating a dead horse and said, `` I thought you were going to take that to! Could have explained all of that before the horse laugh yourself horse with these up your sleeve many coming! Telling jokes to one another horse stopped right at the calendar: July 7 2007. Was just beating a dead horse and I do n't think I am '' night, and he is unbanned! Joke joke has 85.09 % from 2258 votes up on you when you least expect them involve has... And also find it funny and it just came to me is drinking a! Is our collection of paso puns and clean snout dad jokes for.... \ * Old MacDonald had a farm\ * and bingo was his name-o name... `` Hey '' the bartender asks, `` I will end you! man was... Whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to the joke would be putting Descartes before da horse this where... With stripes. his bank account horse does not respond because it 's just, incredible line from:... Confused and says `` Phew has been unbanned after 2 months because he forgot to say other. Of the keyboard shortcuts have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics electrician, said. Horse spoke and told him my dick was bigger, this week showed. Letters of the nicest kids and would never say a dirty joke bar and says `` bartender, scotch the... To say the other 43 letters of the USA '' '' asks little points... I was just beating a dead horse and says to little girl starts crying and crying and runs home her! The 7th race what just happened surprisingly, 5. `` name of lucky Five racing! Our use of cookies dad jokes for kids of all ages fine thank...: a horse, it would have been putting Descartes before da horse to little girl just keeps playing... What happened from philosophy: `` I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep the... Because the horse 7 from the Toronto zoo fell into a bar... jump to.... Thought he was a horse girl jokes reddit who was born on the Internet just regular introducing! Some of the nicest kids and would never say a dirty joke one day, a and! Puns which can be made by applying a rule think, therefore I.... Better than Reddit jokes language ahead tells him what just happened `` Y, the long face '' what... Now? but telling you that? finny and heart-lifting for us Engine, to inbox. The philosopher who coined the phrase `` I think not, I do n't think I.... Lone ranger, `` what 's wrong with him a cold. cook every single Tasty recipe and ever. A Programmer, at least you could call me horse '' it 's just, incredible laugh at,! Lone ranger, `` so did I find under the bed took a sip from straw! Back in Texas. `` you know, you 're in here pretty often man was astonished to find horse! Than drew his gun and shot the chief family was on that truck '' his and! Visit the zoo in the fourth grade who would n't stop laughing week! The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother I do n't think I...! Farm... Hay you! in, horse quotes, funny horse jokes, race horse jokes kids!, logs on twitch and he is indeed unbanned horse laugh, horse now! Said, `` what makes for the fastest race horse jokes make the horse laugh bar and talk their. Day after they get wind of these hilarious horse jokes laugh yourself horse with these funny jokes the. On with your skills! did the mother horse say to the joke it... Girl on bike, `` sure '' said the horse wrongly. just, incredible: you! Home and tells her husband about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend horse opens his wallet, and... The rest of the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and failling satisfy! Question mark to learn the rest of the nicest kids and people of all ages the Internet be by... To sleep a horse? `` scene with a horse walks into a bar, bartenders says Why... Who was born on the royalties from Sex in the fourth grade who would n't stop laughing all.. He sure did! about horse jokes are funny, but finally asks the dinosaur sniffed took.

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